Entries Tagged as 'Love and Relationships'

12.8.2016

Relationships and love languages

Relationships with others are pivotal in our growth and expansion.  I believe we are all here, in this human experience, to learn about love – love for ourselves and love for one another.  Relationships are our one of our guides through that journey.

Relationships can bring us our biggest challenges in facing our own inner blocks to love.

Relationships can also bring out depths of love within us we didn’t know existed until another came along.

How we give love and how we receive love may be two different things.  Understanding this about ourselves and others can exponentially increase the depths of our relationships – with ourself and others.

Gary Chapman wrote a book “The Five Love Languages”.  He broke down five primary ways people connect with others.  This is not just for romantic, love relationships – all relationships.

The five Love Languages are:
1. Words of Affirmation
2. Physical Touch
3. Acts of Service
4. Gifts
5. Quality Time

Love, it really is another language.  When not understood or communicated using ones love language, it can be quite frustrating and cause discord in relationships where one, the other, or both does not feel loved.

Another way to put it: If someone were to speak to you in Spanish (and you don’t know the language), it would be hard for you to interpret what they are saying.  Same with your love language.  If someone is loving you up by giving you Gifts and your love language is Words of Affirmation, you may not feel the love they are expressing.

Not one of the five is better than another.  But, to know how you and another feels loved can support and create deep connections with little effort – just an awareness and a possible shift in how love is expressed.

Often times people show love to others the way they receive love.

This may not match the others love language.  Again, if your primary love language is Physical Touch, you are likely to connect with others through touch.  If anothers love language is Quality Time and you are connecting through Physical Touch, the difference there can have someone not feeling the love you are intending.

As I write this I am reminded of a time I went to my parents home to help clear up the yard (Acts of Service).  My mother didn’t know I was planning to do so.  I spent about four hours clearing brush, cutting down over grown trees and branches, raking leaves, clearing off the sidewalk and driveway.  When I finished I went to a farm up the street to get a plant to add some color to the porch and entry way my mother comes into the house (Gifts).

She called me later that night thanking me for all the work I did and how good it looked.  Then she spoke of the colorful plant (her favorite color too), asked if I bought it for her, shared how much she loved it and began crying.  The plant is what stood out to her and touched her the most.

So, knowing Gifts is her Love Language, I will keep this in mind when I want to be sure she knows I love her.

I believe our love languages can change depending on situations but, we’ll usually lean more toward a primary one or two.

Understanding your love language as well as others in your life can be a game changer in your relationships.  It is easy to find what your love language is.  Here is a link to a quick quiz.  Take it for yourself and share it with your partner, lover, friends.

What could be possible in this world if we all deepened our relationships with ourselves and others?

Knowing our love language and that of others is one way we can all increase the vibration of love within and through the world.

10.11.2016

Radical Self Love as a Spiritual Practice

I believe there has been a long time misunderstanding and confusion about what self love means. I consider radical self love to mean caring for yourself, honoring your well being, taking responsibility for yourself and your life, respecting your body, meeting yourself with compassion and kindness, making empowered choices, being a conscious participant in creating your reality. Self love certainly is not about being an egomaniac, self centered, or arrogant.

We have unconsciously been taught that to love ourselves is to be vain, selfish, conceited, and wrong. We learned to feel ashamed about liking ourselves – never mind speak to anyone out loud about our goodness.

Radical self love is a way to shift these beliefs and unconscious thought patterns. These buried beliefs we picked up and made meaning about ourselves are not serving our greatest potential. These patterns and beliefs hold us back from living out our fullest expression in this life.

Our life experience is a manifestation of the vibration we carry within us. This is why I suggest Radical Self Love as a Spiritual Practice. The relationship we have with ourselves is what is expressed from within and mirrored back to us.

We teach others how to treat us by how we treat ourselves. We see the reflection back from our experiences with others and in life. We have the ability to shift what we experience by loving ourselves more.

My reality is a reflection of who I believe I am.

Before I began teaching and coaching radical self love, I was on the phone crying to a friend about how poorly someone important to me how treated me. Thank goodness this friend didn’t feed into my story of being a victim and told me the truth – “You have to love yourself first”, she said. I gasped ” C’Mon! Of course I love myself!”

After some honest, inner exploration, I discovered I had no idea what ‘to love myself first’ really meant. In fact, what was happening around me and in my relationships reflected how I was treating myself. Gasp!

When I started to practice radical self love, my entire life experience shifted to more positive interactions and outcomes. I felt more confident, self assured, I trusted myself. Who and what I attracted into my life felt better and I was more in the flow.

Unfortunately, not many of us know how to truly love ourselves. This is a key piece preventing us from manifesting our dreams and creating the lives we desire.

We must be easy on ourselves through this inner exploration. The relationship we have with ourselves was developed from what we learned by example from the generations before us and their self love – or lack of. We also made meaning about ourselves from how they treated us.

Many of us have been through some challenges and traumas in our past where we’ve unconsciously decided those experiences meant “I don’t matter”, “I’m not important enough”, “I’m not worth it” or something along those lines.

Then what happens is we carry that with us and our life reflects back to us these meanings throughout our relationships and experiences.

Radical self love wipes out those stories and old programs.

Radical self love reframes the beliefs about who you think you are. Allow me to remind you who you are… You are amazing being that the universe thought was a great idea and brought you here at this particular time because you play a unique, exceptional part in the vastness of the entire experience of this world.

Yes. It is true. So, to think that you are not worthy, not valued, or don’t matter is ri-dic-u-lous! Lets just start there.

In order to change what was happening in my life I brought conscious attention to what I was focusing on and putting my energy towards. I started to realize how the negative, Debbie Downer thoughts I was expressing matched my experiences!

I put more attention toward what I wanted to feel and experience than what was actually happening.

Self love is the new anti-aging.

:: I changed the way I spoke to myself – I wrote affirmations and mantras on sticky notes all over my home. Soon attracting a partner who said the exact words to me.

:: I loved up my body – healthier choices became more natural and easier to make. With the heavy, negative thoughts gone, physical weight released too.

:: I practiced giving more to myself and built the muscle of feeling safe to allow and receive – more good came my way for me to receive from others and life.

:: I said “no” to others and said “yes” to myself – giving myself what I needed first because we are all better for the world when our own cup is full first.

:: I nourished my soul through allowing my feelings to flow and not hold them back any longer – I swear it is the best anti-aging secret!

:: I bravely stood up for myself – I showed the inner parts of me that life is safe now, I am in charge and I’ve got my back.

:: I created a life I love by letting go of others expectations – creating a business that shows others how they can do the same.

:: I let go of resenting others – seeing how holding on held me in the vibration of being wronged or victimized (dead weight for my energy field).

:: I practiced and became skilled at self trust by making choices my heart guided me to – finding myself in the flow of life and ending up exactly where, when and with whom I am meant to be.

Reframing the inner thoughts and beliefs creates an energetic shift and the outer experience becomes a match to that vibration.

If what we are experiencing doesn’t feel good it is a signal to take a brave, compassionate look within.

Doing the inner exploration of my thoughts, beliefs and how I was creating my world wasn’t always easy. Along the way I had help making these changes. I created practices to remind me the truth of who I am and how to always come back to self love.

If you are inspired to add radical self love as a part of your practice, begin by:

:: exploring your beliefs,
:: asking yourself honest questions,
:: place attention on what you say about yourself,
:: notice the things you are focusing your energy toward,
:: look at the visions you are playing over and over in your mind.

The most important relationship you have is the one with yourself.

All change happens within and then manifest in your experience. Nurture and make the relationship with you a priority and witness the world reflect back to you. You are so worth your own time and attention!

Would you like a guide to help you make this part of your practice and change your relationship? Grab a mini e-course: A guide to radical self love.

6.8.2016

Creating change and manifesting

The Universe Works in Response to How You Feel

Just like tuning into a radio station you want to listen to, tune into the feeling you wish to experience.

Change your feeling and your experience changes.

What are you ready to change? Love, money, career, friendships, health… ?

:: Go within.

:: Get honest with yourself.

:: Listen to the words you use about this thing you wish to experience.

Is it full of possibilities, wonder, excitement?

Or are you aligned with the lack of not having it?

Can you change how you feel about it?

How would it feel to have the experience you want?

creatingchange

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

5.3.2016

When you aren’t attracting love

Screen Shot 2016-06-13 at 6.43.29 PM

Click for 2 min video

Words have energy.

Your thoughts have energy.

Our beliefs hold energy.

What we believe about ourselves comes through to others.

Start telling a new story.

Shift our beliefs, our lives shift.

 

4.26.2016

Stay true to you

staytrue

The details will work themselves out.

Keep in your own lane.

Pull your energy back from others.

Focus on what you want and hand over the ‘how’ of it happening.

Surrender.

Open up to possibilities beyond what your eyes and ego can see.

 

 

 

1.28.2014

Is chocolate an aphrodisiac?

“All you need is love. But, a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.” Charles Schulz

Looking to spice things up this Valentine’s Day with your Beloved?  Need an amazing treat to bring to the Galentine’s celebration with your girlfriends?  This super easy chocolate brownie recipe is a sweet treat that everyone will love!  And they’ll never guess what the secret ingredient is.

Chocolate has been thought to be an aphrodisiac.  It’s been said chocolate sets off endorphins in your brain that create a similar effect of what being in love feels like.  I’m not a scientist, but any reason to indulge in chocolate and love is a good one for me!  

The other great part of this recipe?  They’re gluten free! 

They say you get to a man’s heart through his stomach – this one will do the trick!

Guys, your GF girl will love you for these. Give it a try.

Healthy is the new sexy!

Healthy is the new sexy!

 

Chocolate Flourless Brownie Recipe

Makes 16 (I double the recipe to make thicker brownies)

Ingredients:

1 (15-ounce) can no-salt-added black beans, drained and rinsed
3 large eggs
1/3 cup melted butter, more for the baking dish
1/4 cup cocoa powder
1/8 teaspoon salt
2 teaspoon gluten-free vanilla extract (I use regular and have tried Almond extract and received rave reviews)
1/2 cup sugar (I use palm coconut sugar and less than 1/2 cup)
1/2 cup gluten-free semi-sweet chocolate chips or peanut butter chips (gluten free if necessary or use regular)
1/3 cup finely chopped walnuts (optional)

Method

Preheat oven to 350°F.

Butter an 8-inch baking pan (I use 13X9 when doubling the recipe). Place the black beans, eggs, melted butter, cocoa powder, salt, vanilla, and sugar in the bowl of a food processor and blend until smooth. Remove the blade and carefully stir in the chocolate chips and nuts. Transfer mixture to the prepared pan. Bake the brownies for 30 to 35 minutes (little longer for doubled recipe), or until just set in the center. Cool before cutting into squares.

Top with a little whip cream (save some for the brownies) and enjoy!

After you’ve given the recipe a try, come back here or on Facebook and share what you thought.

9.16.2013

Your relationships don’t last? This may be why…

Are you in a cycle of being single?  Feels like for-ev-er since you met someone.

Do you keep attracting the same type as your ex(es)?

Is your pattern of great relationships that fizzle out at a month or three. Every.Single.Time.?

Those are some signals you’ve got a buried belief or past pain in your way of allowing love inKeep reading… I’ll share how you can set yourself up for success in dating!

Okay, so you meet someone –  online, an introduction, out dancing, or in line at the grocery store.  You are immediately attracted to them.  You decide to go out, get coffee, or have dinner.  It’s so exciting; you finally met someone you dig and who digs you back.  What will you wear?

You talk every day.  Exchange texts.  Sweet messages in the morning or before bed.  Immediately (consciously or not) you begin to create a story in your mind about who they are (typically who you want them to be).  You’re dreaming about what your future could be. Living together, traveling, weekends away, marriage, kids…. Then you begin to compare your long list of qualifications.  What kind of job they have, car they drive, do they live at home with their parents, are they a vegetarian, like dogs, have tatts, what kind of money do they make… Everything is checking out nicely.

You keep going out, having a great time, making googly eyes at one another, talking about future plans.  The physical chemistry is out of this world!  All of life feels so good when you’re in love.  Could this possibly be ‘the one’?  Butterflies in your stomach, you’re telling your friends about them, they’re on your mind all day.  You begin checking off the qualifications that match your list.  Yeah, this is it, you tell yourself.

You’ve opened your heart, you’re feeling vulnerable, you are getting closer to them.  It’s what happens when you start to fall in love.  And then… here is where potential trouble could begin.

Weird stuff starts happening.  You pick a fight over pizza (or something truly insignificant). You blame them for not saying the ‘right thing’.  They’re texting on their phone while you’re out to dinner. They’re acting weird.  They stop sending sweet texts. It feels like they’re pulling away.

It’s not them, it’s youYou have more power in creating a beautiful relationship – or destroying it – than you realize.

The most dangerous underlying current to wreck potential for great relationship is your unconscious thought patterns.  They show up from past pains.

Past Pains could be past relationships or childhood traumas.  Experiences you’ve made it through, but never truly healed. These may begin to unconsciously pop up. Your ego doesn’t want to see you suffer again. It’ll do anything to keep you from getting in a similar situation. You begin to sabotage the connection. You’re flirting with others, trying to make them jealous. You test their love. Not really believing you deserve love (unconsciously perhaps), you think they’re cheating.  You become paranoid and start asking questions.  You wonder ‘how could they love me?’  The fears starts giving you reasons this person isn’t a good match (ignoring all the good qualifications).

What’s really happening is your past pains and inner child are dating – not the grown adult, not the one who really wants love.  You want love, but why does it keeps evading you?

You need to do your own healing work before you attract a relationship. 

The likelihood of your relationship lasting is based on your availability to give and receive love Otherwise, you’ll sabotage it, attract someone like your past, have the relationship end just as it begins, or end up finding a bunch of things wrong with this quite perfect match for you.

Consider this before moving on to your next relationship.

  • Give yourself time between relationships. A third of the time you were together is how long you may need to be single and ready for the next.
  • Love yourself first.  Fall in love with you. Become the person you wish to be with.
  • Allow your heartache to heal.  Feel the emotions.
  • Get clear in what you want (list 5 must have’s).
  • Get clear in what you don’t want (list 5 have not’s). 
  • Don’t distract yourself by jumping into dating or keeping busy. What’s underlying the urge to be busy or super date needs healing.


Think of this time as preparatory time for the love you truly desire.  Know that your significant other is also preparing for you.  The inner work you do, the time you take to be with you, and the clarity you have on what you desire is all worth the wait for what your heart truly desires and deserves.  I pinky swear!

1.15.2013

When Your Partner Drives You Crazy

Don’t you just hate that ‘thing’ they do. The way they behave?  The annoying traits…

A friend called for guidance. She’s in one of the best relationships of her life – he just might be her future husband.  It’s been a beautiful journey for me to witness. She didn’t like what she was seeing in herself.  Her behaviors, how she was feeling. She’s noticing how she is acting out in this relationship the ways her exes had with her in past relationships.  Men would act out in jealousy, insecurity, and fear.  She couldn’t stand seeing this in them.  It kept her from ever really committing to being with any of them.Now, she is doing these exact things.  She asked me why.  Why is she doing the very exact things she hated when her exes did it?  How is that possible?

What you see in another is a reflection of you. 
The things you love about another and the things you can’t stand in another you have within you.What she was seeing in these past relationships were parts of her that she was dismissing.  Her jealousy, her insecurity, and her fear.  The only way you can see qualities within yourselves is reflections back from another.   She wasn’t ready to see it for herself then.  She is ready now. 
That is what relationships do. They teach you about you.  They bring out in you what you can’t bring out on your own.  The most challenging relationships have the biggest lessons and opportunities for learning.She has an opportunity now.  A choice.  She can continue to try and dismiss these qualities in herself – and probably sabotage the relationship.  Or she can observe herself and learn to accept and integrate these parts of her.  She is choosing love. She is choosing to accept these parts of her.  Wonderful.
I encouraged her to go deeper.  What is below the behaviors?  She says – Fear. Fear of him messing up and kicking him to the curb.  Go deeper I say.  It’s never about the other person. Ever.What is it about you?  You.  Not him or what he’ll do. You.  Ah, she realizes. It’s her fear of having to start all over with someone new.  Maybe. Maybe not.  Go deeper.It’s the fear of being alone.  There it is.I do know a couple of things.  Where you put your attention, it grows.  The more fear you feed of him messing up, the likelihood it will happen.Keep your focus within.  It is the only place real change can occur.The other thing I know is if this were to end, there is no going back.  The man after this one would only be better, aligned with who she is.  Because she is growing and expanding and loving herself more.

You’ll attract love at the level in which you love yourself.
So, what you see in another – love it up.  Accept it, embrace it, and observe what you’re being shown.  As you accept and embrace what you’ve dismissed in another, it inadvertently uplevels your acceptance and love for yourself. And this can only expand out into all experiences and relationships in your life.

1.8.2013

What’s Love Got To Do With It?

What energy level is your love vibration?

What does energy have to do with Love?

Everything!

A friend recently asked me “Do you have an opinion on age difference in dating?” My response? 

“Love knows no age or number.

When it comes to Love it’s not about anything outside of you. It is within.  It is your energy.  It is where your heart is ready and aligned to interact with next.  It is what you’re ready for.  It is about what is for your highest and best good.

Your highest and best good looks like….

Probably not anything you would imagine.  This person whom you attract into your life is precisely who you’re meant to dance with now.  They may be older, younger, not in the profession you thought your partner would be in, have tattoos, have a dog (you don’t like dogs), yadda yadda yadda.

How will you know?

You’ll know by how you feel when you’re with this person.  Are you excited? Intrigued? Do you feel heard?  Is there a common exchange of interest between you both?  Is there a chemistry, an attraction? It’s not always about the physical attraction either – again, energy. 

What does energy have to do with Love?

Everything. Energy is nervousness and excitement.  Both normal feelings when meeting someone new.  But, don’t let that hold you back from moving forward.  Love is energy.  Fear is energy.  Energy will also keep you from attracting who you really desire for yourself.

Fear and Love.

Fear and love cannot coexist.  When it comes to attracting love and relationship, if you have past pains from previous relationships still in your heart that will prevent you from opening up to another in a healthy way.  You might find yourself reaching out for another relationship to heal your broken heart, but chances are that won’t last.  If you have buried beliefs about Love (“all the good ones are taken”, “I’ll get hurt again”) you’ll experience exactly what you believe.

Love is not anything outside of you.

It is about what is within.  Heal your heart. Heal your past pains. Transform your buried beliefs. Align your energy with your hearts desire.  Sounds more difficult than it really is, but OH, so worth having what your heart and Soul truly desire.

1.6.2013

How To Attract Love Into Your Life

Treat Yourself as You Wish to Be Treated

my favorite self-care

my favorite self-care. epsom salt bath w/essential oils

You attract to you what your energy gives out.

You teach people how to treat you by how you treat yourself.

How do you treat yourself?

  • Are you always the last on your own list?
  • How do you talk to yourself? What does that inner voice say to you?
  • Does somehow the goals you have for yourself fall to the wayside?
  • Do you abuse yourself with overworking, overeating or ‘over’ anything that makes you feel bad?


When you don’t make yourself a priority, no one else will.

No one can see you as more of a priority or more important than you see yourself. They see what comes from you. They treat you how you treat you. Would you want to attract someone into your life who treated you disrespectfully, didn’t make you a priority, or didn’t have time for you?

Is self care and self love being selfish? No.

Here’s how to shift what you’re attracting:

  • Show yourself love, compassion, and understanding (for wherever you are right now). Uber self acceptance is where it all begins.
  • Give yourself time. Make time to do things you enjoy – writing, yoga, painting, sifting through books at a bookstore, sip coffee or tea at a shop.
  • Give yourself what you’re reaching out for another to give you – Love, caring, understanding.
  • Honor the commitments you have to yourself. Do you want more exercise, more relaxation time, a vacation, get that office organized, regular time with family and friends? Do it.


Begin treating yourself how you want to be treated and you’ll see Love expanding in your life. Don’t settle for less than what you desire – “The One” is out there waiting for you!

You accept the love you believe you deserve.” Tweet it.

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