Are you in a cycle of being single?  Feels like for-ev-er since you met someone.

Do you keep attracting the same type as your ex(es)?

Is your pattern of great relationships that fizzle out at a month or three. Every.Single.Time.?

Those are some signals you’ve got a buried belief or past pain in your way of allowing love in.  Keep reading… I’ll share how you can set yourself up for success in dating!

Okay, so you meet someone –  online, an introduction, out dancing, or in line at the grocery store.  You are immediately attracted to them.  You decide to go out, get coffee, or have dinner.  It’s so exciting; you finally met someone you dig and who digs you back.  What will you wear?

You talk every day.  Exchange texts.  Sweet messages in the morning or before bed.  Immediately (consciously or not) you begin to create a story in your mind about who they are (typically who you want them to be).  You’re dreaming about what your future could be. Living together, traveling, weekends away, marriage, kids…. Then you begin to compare your long list of qualifications.  What kind of job they have, car they drive, do they live at home with their parents, are they a vegetarian, like dogs, have tatts, what kind of money do they make… Everything is checking out nicely.

You keep going out, having a great time, making googly eyes at one another, talking about future plans.  The physical chemistry is out of this world!  All of life feels so good when you’re in love.  Could this possibly be ‘the one’?  Butterflies in your stomach, you’re telling your friends about them, they’re on your mind all day.  You begin checking off the qualifications that match your list.  Yeah, this is it, you tell yourself.

You’ve opened your heart, you’re feeling vulnerable, you are getting closer to them.  It’s what happens when you start to fall in love.  And then… here is where potential trouble could begin.

Weird stuff starts happening.  You pick a fight over pizza (or something truly insignificant). You blame them for not saying the ‘right thing’.  They’re texting on their phone while you’re out to dinner. They’re acting weird.  They stop sending sweet texts. It feels like they’re pulling away.

It’s not them, it’s you.  You have more power in creating a beautiful relationship – or destroying it – than you realize.

The most dangerous underlying current to wreck potential for great relationship is your unconscious thought patterns.  They show up from past pains.

Past Pains could be past relationships or childhood traumas.  Experiences you’ve made it through, but never truly healed. These may begin to unconsciously pop up. Your ego doesn’t want to see you suffer again. It’ll do anything to keep you from getting in a similar situation. You begin to sabotage the connection. You’re flirting with others, trying to make them jealous. You test their love. Not really believing you deserve love (unconsciously perhaps), you think they’re cheating.  You become paranoid and start asking questions.  You wonder ‘how could they love me?’  The fears starts giving you reasons this person isn’t a good match (ignoring all the good qualifications).

What’s really happening is your past pains and inner child are dating – not the grown adult, not the one who really wants love.  You want love, but why does it keeps evading you?

You need to do your own healing work before you attract a relationship. 

The likelihood of your relationship lasting is based on your availability to give and receive love.  Otherwise, you’ll sabotage it, attract someone like your past, have the relationship end just as it begins, or end up finding a bunch of things wrong with this quite perfect match for you.

Consider this before moving on to your next relationship.

• Give yourself time between relationships. A third of the time you were together is how long you may need to be single and ready for the next.
  
• Love yourself first.  Fall in love with you. Become the person you wish to be with.
• Allow your heartache to heal.  Feel the emotions.
• Get clear in what you want (list 5 must have’s).
• Get clear in what you don’t want (list 5 have not’s). 
• Don’t distract yourself by jumping into dating or keeping busy. What’s underlying the urge to be busy or super date needs healing.
  

Think of this time as preparatory time for the love you truly desire.  Know that your significant other is also preparing for you.  The inner work you do, the time you take to be with you, and the clarity you have on what you desire is all worth the wait for what your heart truly desires and deserves.  I pinky swear!